30 minutes of nonsense

ok so the assignment is to write for 30 minutes nonstop about whatever i so choose. which is basically nothing at all.

so i was thinking the other day, which seems to be a new and often occurance, which is odd considering i used to be one of those people who were like completely blank in the head, ya know? well anyways i was thinking about how life seems to be so complicated lately and i was thinking about why that is. i mean, do you ever feel like the world is trying to tell you something? and its not that you cant hear it, its that your not listening. what if the world isnt so complicated. what if things are the way they are because we make them that way and if we could all just slow down for a little bit things could get simpler? its all just nonsense. none of this craziness is necessary. maybe if we just stopped all the nonsense for just one fucking minute we would see how truly trivial anything we think now really is. but i wonder if it could be that way. if there really was some nonsensical euphoric freedomland that we could all create just by listening a little more closely.

or maybe im completely wrong. maybe things are the way they are because they just are and this nonsense actually makes sense, but were all just too busy looking for a magical easy way out to realize it. this is the world and the way it is and thats that. why cant we just accept that fact rather than try to change it by assuming that something will save us in the end? and im totally aware that i have just contradicted myself completely, but thats beside the point. the world we live in is fucked up and scary but its the only world we have so why not just live? just fucking live and let live. maybe... maybe life is just life and you roll with the punches and push through the roughness and just live.

i dont know



okay so you know how sometimes it feels like your watching someone live your life rather than actually living it? like your just going through the motions, or dreaming or something?

well, due to excessive time spent watching contemplative movies such as waking life and scanner darkly, i have developed a theory:

first of all, you know how sometimes when you fall asleep or like take a nap or something, and you feel like you are having this really long, intricate dream where it feels like years have passed and you wake up and its only been like five minutes? well it is said that after you die, your brain is still functioning for 6-12 minutes. After everything else shuts down, your brain is still working. well i was thinking, what if we are already dead? what if this life were experiencing right now is really just us in our 6-12 minute subconcious state after death? maybe this is just a long rambling dream of what our life was or should have been or even not our lives at all but a figment of our imaginations.

so i think i became incoherent right after "i have developed a theory". But isnt that the point??? why should i be coherent or make sense or any of that? i have no desire to be typical. i enjoy thinking outside the box and sometimes saying things that are ridiculous. i think theres a rambling idiot inside of all of us and maybe we should let it out sometimes. i feel much more at ease with myself that way. granted, i can only write such things, i cant actually voice them, which i suppose would be the truly admirable thing to do. so maybe im a bit of a hypocrit. but isnt everyone?

so if you actually finished reading this without punching yourself in the head repeatedly i congratulate you. maybe next blog ill talk about more substantial issues such as boyfriends and hair products. or perhaps my inability to drive....