i dont know whats gotten into me. i've never been this girl; i've made an effort to never be this girl. i dont fall in love. i dont cry. now all of the sudden, i meet someone and all that changes? i have never in my life cried over a boy unless it was at his funeral. in fact, i hate girls who do cry over their boyfriends. i think its pathetic and weak. i think the concept of love in general is pathetic. i choose to avoid situations in which my heart is suceptible to being broken. why was this time different? its almost like i gave up on everything i've ever believed in for this one person, and as it turns out, he was the one person i should have protected myself from. i just dont think anyone should ever give someone else the power to break you heart. and i did. and now im finding it impossible to move on. i just wish it wasnt so hard y'know? i dont want to be a victim of "teenage heartbreak". i used to pride myself in being different from those pathetic little girls and now im one of them. i think that might be what bothers me the most; the fact that i feel like i betrayed myself.

but never again. i wont let it happen again. maybe its cynical, but i think of it more as protection.

The exception to the rule failed

I don’t put up walls for no reason
I don’t stay cynical just to please him
I do it purposely for times like this
When my heart breaks in two after only a kiss
I never cry over boys or ex-lovers
I never search for comfort in the arms of my mother

But just this once...

I tricked myself, I let him in
I thought that maybe he was different
But in time I began to see
That he just didn’t drink enough to love me
I just wish i knew why I wasn’t good enough…
Why don’t I deserve to be the girl he loves?